She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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