you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
