Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
