Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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