Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
