why do cheetos always look like penises
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
