New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
