hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
