He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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