I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
