C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
