So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He better not be in your backpack
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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