Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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