I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
