The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
