Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
