so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize