Just fell off a train. Bad.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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