OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
