No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
