Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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