miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
