guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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