i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
