I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
