The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
