I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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