I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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