super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize