Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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