I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
