Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize