well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
