I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize