If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
