I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
