well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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