A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i've created a new STD.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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