remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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