singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The power of my boobs compel you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
