Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
