How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize