i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
