WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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