I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
