what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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