I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
