anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
