They should really pass out barf bags in church
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
