I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize