I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
