I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
