she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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