I wish they made helmets for livers.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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