I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
