hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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