Sponge bath it is.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
