It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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