i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
