but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
