You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
