that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
