DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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