Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
