Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
