Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
being pregnant is like rehab
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
