You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
