So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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