When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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