There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
