we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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