lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
