Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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