So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
