If i come over, it means nothing
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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