I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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