Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize