so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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