So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
