Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
