Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
