Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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