Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
