Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
