I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
