so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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