So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize