Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
