If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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