Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize