Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
