Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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