i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
