If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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