there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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