i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
