I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
