Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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