dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
