I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
